Cincinnati Adventures: The part in which we discover that there are leaves bigger then Rob and curlier then Q's

So after the sauna...er, I mean, the butterfly house, we went on and explored the remainder of the conservatory. We discovered some very interesting plants I found neat to look at and quickly enjoy without much thought.

Robert felt the need to explain the biological individuality and evolutionary genius of each species.

Yea.

Here's the dumbed down, non PhD in something biology related version.

Okay its honestly more of the 1st grade reader version.

See Rob. See the big leaves.

Look children. There are plants near the pond.

The ugly big goldfish swim in the stream. Where will they go?

The leaves are up. Up, up, up!

Some of the leaves are big and wide. Some of the leaves are not big and wide. Some are big and not wide.

Look! Look at the girl by the water. The water is falling over the rocks into the stream that goes nowhere where the ugly big goldfish swim.

The water falls. Splish! Splash! Do not get wet!

Look! Look children and Rob. Look at the path we have walked through the forest that is not real.

The girls sits on the butterfly. The butterfly does not die. The butterfly is not a real butterfly!

Silly girl.

See Rob! See the silly leaves! Why are the leaves so silly?

Cincinnati Adventure: The Part Where we sweat it out in the Butterfly House

The following events will be retold in detail...but not necessarily in the order that they happened. They are actually appearing in the order of what I thought were the coolest pictures.
So there.

So over Memorial Day weekend my mother kicked me and girls out of the house so she could have grandson's weekend. So I took Maryn and Ashlyn down to my brother's house in Cincinnati where we enjoyed good company and had a few fun adventures.

On Sunday afternoon, we ventured to Krohn's Conservatory where they have beautiful greenhouse gardens (more on that in the next post) and a special Brazilian Butterly exihibit.

It was really a lot of fun. But very, very, VERY hot. The room where the butterflies were was humidly sweltering and everyone was glistening. They say its for the Amazonian butterflies, but I wonder if they just want to shuffle people in and out quickly so they make it practically unbearable to be in there longer then 45 minutes.

Here is a very cool chandelier of recycled items in the tent entryway.

I want one,

So they give you these little foam flower cutouts to act as 'butterfly landing pads". The butterflies preferred fingers. You see Rob getting one off of a flower with his hand. The picture beneath that shows Ashlyn holding one on her flower, but only after Rob put it there from his hand.

Now the little fellow below looks kind of lame and boring. But when he open his wings...it turns out the insides are a bright blue! For some reason, these little guys also like to hitch rides on people. Mostly on their pants. Without them knowing. What was crackign me up is that Miciah woudl walk right up to strange people and pluck these critters off their pants. No personal space barriers whatsoever. It was kind of funny.

Dream House...

This is interesting in a disturbing kind of way. But I found it enlightening and want to preserve it. So here it is…

So last night I had a dream about a house. The thing about this particular house is that it was not entirely unfamiliar to me. It’s been in my dreams before. It’s a large beautiful house, and it’s always mine to have. But in previous dreams there had been a barrier to me totally taking control of it. Most of it was haunted. Haunted by spirits that terrified me. I remember specifically in a former dream a large majestic dining room with a long dark wood table and many high backed chairs and deep rich wall paneling. But I could never stay. I was afraid. Whenever I was in the house, I always knew there were parts that were haunted and parts that were not. And I always chose to live in the parts that were not because they were safer. They were shabbier, but safer. And so, thus in my dream house we lived. In 2 rooms where the wallpaper was peeling and the décor was bland and the carpets were dirty…afraid to go upstairs to the big beautiful bedrooms or majestic living and dining rooms because of what was there. Things I didn’t want to face.

But last night was remarkable…it was different this time! As I ascended the stairs to my rooms, I realized they were too small and didn’t fit us anymore. The doors were so tiny that not even my youngest could fit through them (although somehow in my dream I did…which is of course, the way it always works!) The rooms had diminished in size because a large hole with an unattached staircase had taken up all of the room we used to have. And since you could see but not technically reach the stairs, whenever you maneuvered form one room to another, or even once space to another, there was a great risk of falling. So we covered it with a carpet in an effort to expand the space. But after a few people fell through, I decided I had had enough. We were moving back in the house…back to the big glorious rooms I knew were there. The ones whose specters had kept me from them. But for some reason…I had no fear. I gathered up my children and we marched back down the hall with a little apprehension. I was pleased to find a bright and cheerfully decorated room for each of us with the doors wide open! Each room was bright; flooded with light from big windows. One room had purple walls and sported 2 large beds ; one covered in a yellow canopy and the other bed littered with big fluffy and colorful pillows. Another large room had 2 sturdy and playful bunk beds against the deep blue walls and many happy and interesting decorations. There were other bedrooms I can’t remember the details of. And there were 2 bathrooms with the doors partly open. White tiled, sink and a shower with a shower curtain in each (but oddly enough no toilet). And there was not a spirit in sight. They had miraculously left the premises. No dining room to be found, no majestic but dark living spaces haunted with former occupants…just the meeting of our basic needs (except for the toilet!). I knew we needed to find a different way to come upstairs since the carpet covered hole was no longer going to do the trick obviously. So I proceeded to the end of the hall, lighted by a large window, and found some back stairs which descended directly to the basement. The basement looked like a maze of sterile tunnels with assorted and random upward flights of stairs spawning from the main corridor which eventually ended at a city street…which was still underground. But a storm was brewing above it. Dark clouds were gathering and the wind was blowing. I quickly made my way to the end of the underground street and pushed through a closed door that brought me back to the outside of the house. I could then tell it was large and yellow, but in desperate need of some attention and repair.

And then I woke up.

Now I rarely take stock in dream interpretations, although I will confess to having a few dreams I KNEW meant something. But they were person specific…dream visits from my late husband for example. But part of me knew this dream meant something. Mostly because it was a different version of another dream I had NOT enjoyed many times before. And so I began looking for some insight online. And what I found…I found very interesting indeed.

Let’s start with the major symbols and their apparent meanings (I assume they are important because even now, nearly 24 hours later, I remember these parts very clearly):

House

To see a house in your dream, represents your own soul and self. Specific rooms in the house indicate a specific aspect of your psyche.

Haunted House

To dream of a haunted house, signifies unfinished emotional business, related to your childhood family, dead relatives, or repressed memories and feelings.

Room
To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a specific relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality. If the room is welcoming or comfortable, then it signifies opulence and satisfaction in life. If you see a dark or confined room, then it denotes that you feel trapped or repressed in a situation.

To dream that you find or discover a new room, suggests that you are developing new strengths and taking on new roles. You may be growing emotionally. Consider what you find in the discovered room as it may indicate repressed memories, fears, or rejected emotions.

Dining Room

To dream that you are in a dining room, represents your quest for knowledge and understanding.

Going up stairs:

To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs, indicate that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual, emotional or material journey. The dream is also analogous to material and thoughts that are coming to the surface

Going Down Stairs:

To dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs, represents your repressed thoughts. You are regressing back into your unconscious.

Carpet

To dream that you are installing or laying down carpet, suggests that you are trying to make your life more comfortable. The dream may also be analogous to the planning of something. You are laying out some new project or endeavor.

Hole

It may mean that you are feeling hollow or empty inside. This dream may be an awakening for you to get out and expose yourself to new interests and activities.

Small Doorway

To dream that someone or something is smaller than usual, represents feelings of insignificance, helplessness and unworthiness. To dream that you are entering through a door, signifies new opportunities that are presented before you. You are entering into a new stage in your life and moving from one level of consciousness to another.

Corridor/ Hallway

To walk along a corridor in your dream, signifies a transitional phase of self exploration. It signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth, physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life.

Open Doors

To see an opened door in your dream, symbolizes your receptiveness and willingness to accept new ideas/concepts. In particular, to see a light behind the door, suggests that you are moving toward greater enlightenment/spirituality.

Bedrooms

To dream that you are in the bedroom, signifies aspects of yourself that you keep private.

Bathroom

a bathroom symbolizes purification and self-renewal.

Sink

To see a sink in your dream, represents your feelings and your ability to control your emotions. You may need to cleanse yourself of past feelings and start fresh

White

White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life

Shower

To see a shower curtain in your dream, indicates that you are not fully expressing your emotions. To dream that you are taking a shower in clear, fresh water, symbolizes spiritual or physical renewal and forgiveness. You are washing the burdens out of your life.

Toilet (remember there wasn’t one?)

To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions. You need to get rid of something in your life that is useless.

Purple

Purple is indicative of devotion, healing abilities, loving, kindness, and compassion

Yellow

If the dream is a pleasant one, then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom.

Canopy

To see a canopy in your dream, symbolizes protection.

Bright Colors

Bright colors mean awareness.

Pillows

To see a pillow in your dream, represents comfort. relaxation, ease, and/or luxury. You need to take it easy on yourself.

Blue

Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. Perhaps you are expressing a desire to get away. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future.

Bunkbeds

To see bunk beds in your dream, represent childhood and innocence.

Window

To see a window in your dream, signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight.

Basement

To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition.

Underground city

To dream of an underground or underwater city, represents your unconscious and how through deeper understanding of yourself, you find commonality and shared experiences with others.

Storm

The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm symbolizes your rising spirituality. It may signal rapid changes ahead for you.

Outside

To dream that you are outside, represents freedom, openness and opportunities. You are able to spread out and enjoy.

House in need of repair

To see an old, run-down house in your dream, represents your old beliefs, attitudes and how you used to think or feel.

To Sum Up:

So… the house is me. The old haunted house was my old self. Emotions and issues left simmering from my 2 marriages. Things I was unwilling to face. It was those things that chased me away from knowledge and understanding, I felt trapped and oppressed (the dark dining room). All of the rooms in my old haunted house were dark and oppressive. I was relegated to my old thoughts and beliefs.

Rooms represent a specific aspect of myself or a relationships. Those old rooms I was living in with the small door around the big hole…I felt unworthy and helpless to do anything about that hole. The biggest thing in my life right now that causes me to literally feel empty is my lack of spouse. So the hole must symbolize a husband. I was covering it with plans (the carpet) to avoid that regression (down stairs) back into destructive relationship habits. I think the knowing I couldn’t go back to the hole and the disconnected stairs and carpet people kept falling through (mostly my kids come to think of it) may be symbolic of my needing a new set of plans to cover the emptiness…I need a new plan to fill the hole (or husband plan). The old unsuccessful plans caused my children suffering before (falling through). New plan it is!

So the old rooms weren’t doing it for me anymore. Each room represents a part of myself…and I was finding new rooms everywhere! Well, rooms I had previously been aware of but kept from because of the haunting. I need to head down that hall. Halls are enlightenment, emotional growth, and new opportunities. The open doors show I am willing to receive new ideas and concepts. I think the fact I could move freely down the hall without fear of the haunting is very significant. If the haunted part represents unfinished emotional business…I think I may have finally moved on from what was damaging me. I was ready to deal with those emotions.

If each room represents a different part of myself… Let’s start with those bathrooms which symbolize purification and self renewal:

They were white but windowless and a bit darker…a little bit of oppression and trapping going on there of my own making surely. But oh, what was available! White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings and opportunity for a reawakening or to have a fresh outlook on life. The doors to those rooms were open, but I didn’t go in. But I also don’t remember seeing them in my hallway before or in the house at all. I saw a shower curtain which symbolizes repressed emotions and a sink which indicates the need to wash away past emotions. No toilet means I need a release of emotions…to get rid of beliefs that are useless to me.

The two bedrooms I remember (bedrooms are parts of myself I keep private).…let’s talk about the purple one. I remember feeling warm and welcome in both which means satisfaction in those areas. Nice to know the only area that still gets me is the bathroom. Feeling pretty good about the others I think…chasing away those specters again. Letting go of the past. But anyway…the purple room.

Purple stands for devotion, healing abilities, loving, kindness, and compassion. Inside I was protecting my energy and happiness (yellow canopy). The other bed had bright colored pillows…an awareness that I need to take it easy and be easier on myself.

The blue room… Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. And optimism. There were two bunkbeds…which represent childhood and innocence. So four beds…and I have four children. Eternity, devotion, loyalty and optimism definitely fit into that well. (Ah, now the fact that these were bedrooms makes more sense. Look at all the protecting I’m doing!)

And now we go to the basement…regression into my subconscious. Which makes sense since basements represent the subconscious. And we’re in another corridor…mental passages with more self exploration…with ascending stairs everywhere…all of which symbolize possible routes for progress on spiritual, emotional and material improvements. I end up in the city with a storm over it…a representation of how unexpressed fears and emotions are keeping me from a deeper understanding of myself and therefore commonality with others. Which is interesting since I was escaping the emptiness with plans, that I discover the best way for me to equate with others is to better understand myself by facing my fears and emotions. Luckily, the storms also represent rising spirituality and rapid change. And then I open a closed door…the end of a phase of my life…and head outside.

Outside is freedom, openness and opportunity. I look at my house in need of repair which represents the way I used to feel…old beliefs and attitudes. I think the house is yellow for this reason…there is another connotation for yellow if the dream is bad (Which all the other dreams about this house were!) “It represents deceit, disgrace, betrayal, cowardice and sickness. You have a fear or an inability to make a decision or to take action. Your desire to please others is at the risk of sacrificing your own needs and happiness. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks.”

The previous paragraph perfectly describes how I used to feel about myself. All that has changed! I think I have progressed, moved on, moved forward, found some security and have a few tasks ahead of me in order to truly be free.

Intellesting, Velly intellesting.

Brandon and the Birthday Buns

This is skipping a few days, but it goes nicely with the birthday post, so we'll just put it here.

Long story short, Brandon Cardenaz was still here for a few days after we got back from Nauvoo and Maryn schmoozed him into making cinnamon rolls for her birthday treat instead of a cake. He was happy to oblige and happy to let them help.

So after the dough was made and risen, he rolled it out on the table. Until it was HUGE. Seriously, it practically took up an entire end of the table.

Then a stick of melted butter and an obscene amount of cinnamon sugar and brown sugar was strewn across the dough by hand. Maryn and Ashlyn were especially fond of this step.

It was rolled up (again, seriously huge) and then they cut the pieces of using dental floss. The girls thought this was amazing.

They baked until the entire house smelled incredible. Cream cheese frosting was made. This is the part where I don't tell anyone Brandon got a blister in the middle of his hand from stirring it with a fork. I also won't mention we actually own a hand mixer which he commented it would have been easier with but didn't ask.

The extra sacrifice must have made them extra tasty...

because the girls demanded these particular rolls need to be made for every single birthday from now until forever. Thanks Brandon. Way to live in California.

Party in the USA...Its Maryn's Day!

Maryn's 11th birthday was April 12th. We had a birthday party a week early since it was spring break.

Just for backgrounds sake; here's how we work birthdays at our house. Every kid gets $100 for their birthday. They may choose to spend it on something of their choice or use it to pay for a party or a combination of any of the above. This includes the purchase of anything they want to eat, drink or do that is not usually in the house. 8th birthdays and 16th birthdays are on me and they get to keep all of their $100. It has been a wonderful and successful experiment, but that's another post.

The point is Maryn chose to spend about half of hers on a party. I admit to agreeing to a few extra things I paid for, partly because I really wanted her to have a cool party and have a chance to bond with her friends outside school. I remember how it felt at this age; fitting in is supreme. She has good friends I feel are mostly non judgmental, but she is at that weird stage where she's still a little girl and partly a young woman. So we compromised.

We played Just Dance 2 on Wii, then had everyone decorate their own cupcakes (Maryn provided all the decorations at her own expense since I don't really care that much). There was punch, pretzels, chips and popcorn out for everyone to nosh on while playing.

Here are the girls decorating...

Then we opened gifts. She got some fun stuff including a Justice and a Books A Million gift card, some cool paper and writing stuff and a newly beloved pillow pet she has LONG wanted...a unicorn she has named Princess Charlie (whatever).

Then we all went and saw HOP at the theaters. We came back, made mini pizzas and played some more before everyone left. I think it was fun. I was tired, so they must have had a good time!

Front Row: (L to R) Zeyneb, Paige, Kate, Eishat , Yasmin

Back: Hannah, Bethany and Krystyna Turner and Maryn

Typical

So the “theme” of my blog, if you will, is finding joy in the journey. It’s about seeing the silver lining in the cloud and accepting what is happening even when things are not going the way you want them to go and making the most of it. I often wait until a moment occurs to share it and wax eloquent. It might be big news, or a big event, or a moment of illumination that becomes fodder for my posts. Discussions or comments that are out of the ordinary or funny also play a foundational role in my introspective writings.

Which is why this post is different. The last few days have not been interesting in any particular way. No one said anything really funny or profound. There was no catastrophe or glitch in the day that propelled me into chaos and self reflection. There was nothing in my life that fell into the usual categories as far as potential anecdotes for the revealing of my next profound moment self discovery.

Here is what I had to work with…

I took my 3 youngest to dinner at Red Robin and we went to a movie. We got a cookie covered caramel apple at Rocky Mountain Candy Company and shared it. My brother and his family came Saturday morning. The children got along well and the tiffs were few and far between. I made a green jello poke cake for my nephew’s birthday and my daughter’s favorite chicken and noodles at her request. I enjoyed my sister in law immensely and chatted and shared with her while my dad and bro went to priesthood meeting and my mother slept. I played Carcasonne with my family. We watched Tangled and Operation Petticoat. I played Boggle on my iPhone. We listened to and occasionally discussed conference. I took a nap and made homemade foccaccia and creamy tomato soup. I played a few games at the home of some friends after feeding my offspring leftovers. I ate brownies.

Nothing amazing. Mostly boring. All typical.

The regularity of my circumstances inflicted temporary blindness. When I thought I had truly nothing to write about, I realized that so much of what is good in my life I fail to celebrate because it is not earth shattering. And yet, so much of what is worth sharing, isn’t life altering. And every moment I live no matter how ordinary, is amazing because its mine to have and to own and to do with what I will. The joy in the journey isn’t in the mountains that are climbed, but in the naps by the stream as it quietly meanders away. You never see the silver lining if you aren’t watching the clouds. It’s in the picking of flowers not the creation of bouquets. And sometimes when things are just going I can remember that going nowhere is just as satisfying as getting somewhere when you are with the right people.

Illuminations, Complications and Explanations

Illuminations

We spent 3 days of last week visiting, for assorted amounts of time, with a child psychologist trying to figure Conner out. I had a parent’s only meeting on Monday to get my insights and concerns. Wednesday was an hour and a half of testing for Conner. And Friday was evaluation and discussion. We threw 4 things on the table as possibilities as to why his behavior was erratic and he struggled academically; autism, depression, anxiety and ADHD.

And the winner was…ADHD.

Dr. Smith shared that he though Conner was very bright and quite capable…but very easily distracted and impulsive which led to inconsistent academic performance and behavior. Some of the depressive and anxiety symptoms were related to the ADHD since it probably is frustrating to feel out of control and like your just waiting to get in trouble for something you don't even mean to do... and decreases self esteem. Since home schooling is not a plausible option for me at this point in my life, we will be medicating. But a diagnosis gives us tools and parameters to work with. So that’s helpful.

Complications

My kids talked me into taking them swimming at the Y Saturday evening. I sat on the side and read and watched. 5 minutes into the playing, Ashlyn rushed over to me crying, “I hit my chin.” I put my book down. “Let’s see sweetie.” I was expecting a bump, bruise or scratch because she was only slightly whimpering.

Nah. Gaping inch long laceration.

Sweet.

I remained calm. “Okay, so everyone out of the pool. We need to go NOW. Lifeguard, bandage please.”

Mom and Dad were gone, so I called a neighbor and asked if the other 2 could come hang there while we made a trip to the ER. (Thank you Maddens!)

So she did need stitches. She was significantly less than thrilled about this news. The nurse asked if I would be comfortable holding her body down while he held her head still and the doctor did the sutures. I kind of laughed, smiled, and said “She’s my youngest of four.” Nurse; “Ah, well, then you’ll be just fine.” The doctor entered, and asked Nurse Mark, “Do we need to get someone else to help hold her?” Nurse Mark: “Nah. It’s her youngest of four.” Doctor nods knowingly. “Well okay then. Let’s do this!”

I just found the whole exchange amusing. I guess there are some “less experienced” parents who have had a problem restraining their child. Nope. Not me. Give me a squirmy kid and a reason to make it stop and I can bring it.

She screamed for 2 minutes while they numbed and washed her. Then she lay quietly while she was sewn together, telling the nurse and doctor how she was hungry and had been promised McDonald’s when we left.

Now she thinks she’s cool.

She went to school on Monday and I guess didn't say a thing to her teacher. I saw him Tuesday, and he told me he didn't even notice until halfway through the day she had a bandaid on. He asked her what happened and she simply said "I hit my chin on the pool at the Y." He jokingly said "Did you have to get stitches?" He was shocked when she nodded her head yes. "Really? Let me see." So he pulled back the bandage and (in his words) "Sure enough...there were three of the gnarliest stitches I'd ever seen right there!"

Happy stitches Lyni Lou!

Explanations

While we were waiting at the ER to be called back, Ashlyn sat quietly and nervously holding her raggedy pink blankie and a medium sized stuffed dog of the brown and white variety. I knew his name was Candy Cane, but had never thought to ask why. I should have thought about it, because all of her other animals are aptly and obviously named; a dinosaur named “Diney”, a duck named “Waddles”, a pink cat named “Pink Cat” and about half a dozen other animals whose names are Lily because it’s her favorite name. But a floppy brown and white dog named Candy Cane makes little sense.

So I took the opportunity to ask her about it. She quickly held up one of his paws. There, on the end, was a piece of nasty candy cane stuck to the fur. “See? It’s been there since last Christmas.”

Ahhhh. I see.