I have been busy.
First of all, I finished my Masters Degree. That was huge. Second. Work has been crazy. And the truth is that our computer is somewhat misbehaving. It types terribly. And it makes it difficult to blog. I also find that by the time I get home and get through the evening, I am simply exhausted. And I have been trying to be present in my kids lives with limited success.
But this Christmas Eve I want to look past the controlled chaos that is my life and focus on something. Another friend who is brilliant blogger (here is her blog is you wish to check it out) mentioned in a post yesterday, how Christmas will simply magnify what is going on in your life. If you are struggling, your struggles will seem greater, If you are feeling blessed, the blessings will also seem more than you can hold in your life.
We are somewhere in between, and it completely depends on which side of our lives you look at. I feel both blessed and frustrated at alternate times. It depends on the day. Sometimes the moment. And I think that's okay. Because I think pushing through each day with a blind belief that all is ALWAYS well is not realistic. And possibly unhealthy. Life is messy. And I'm pretty sure its messy on purpose. And often, blessings and struggles walk hand in hand on the same pathway.
Here are some examples:
I miss my parents and my siblings in Ohio. Sometimes so much it hurts. But I am so grateful for my brothers and my sister who are here. They are a continuous blessing in my life and a pleasure to be around. As are my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. I love them so much. My life here without them would be different. We are finally close to David's family. We are taking the opportunities as we can to continue to build strong and valuable relationships with them. I am so grateful for that.
We have a ward with a small youth program. But my kids have amazing leaders who love them and have created personal relationships with my them. And so my kids love them right back. My kids miss their cousins, but have made friends near us. We have wonderful people in our ward who have become wonderful friends. Is life not more full in general with good friends?
Speaking of friends...how great is my job? I confess, I wish I could make more money. But I feel overly blessed to be in the office I am in, to be surrounded by the people I know, to have them in my life. It is worth the pay off. I never dread going to work. I like what I do, and I happen to be very good at it. Its a good combination that leaves my career life lounging comfortably in a valley of satisfaction.
Things are tight financially. It seems they always are. Yet we always seem to work it out in the end. And we have all the we need and some of the things that we want. Like the fact that a new PS3 mysteriously showed up on our doorstep within a day after our old one had broken. It was a bit of Christmas magic, and left us in tears at such generosity.
If I'm being honest, I wish my personal life was in a different place. It is a source of frustration for me, mostly because the Lord and I disagree on timing. But I will be even more honest; we are fine. We are more than fine. We are great. My kids are growing, and healthy, and learning, and (mostly) great and capable. We have a warm home and steady income. We have people who love us, food to eat, a car that works and opportunities before us to make our situation better.
I can not think of a more merry way to spend our Christmas.
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