Could I?

I had an interesting conversation with the grant coordinator at work this evening. The Executive Director wanted her and I to talk about donor levels and monies for appreciation. Man, this lady knows her stuff, let me tell you. I left the conversation with a headache of sorts. One step at a time girl.

But it was her day job that caught my attention. She writes grants for us in her “spare time”, so to speak. During the day she writes grants for an agency that finds foster homes for hard to place children. It’s an agency that pushes over 100 million dollars in donations in and out of their doors each year. I asked her about the kind of children they receive…and the answer broke my heart. Although some of their older kids are deviants, who, by the way, successfully bring their lives around. But some of the children are medically challenged. She told me of a child in their agency right now, and infant born to a family with 3 children. The baby got cancer, and the family gave him away. They made him the responsibility of the state, and this agency was left to find him somewhere to go and quietly die. I was floored. And she said it happens more than you think. I’m trying not to judge that family. I haven’t been there. But I guess I can’t understand it, it’s a choice I can’t fathom.

I would have kept him. I would have understood that the Lord wanted me to have this child, as difficult and horrifying as it would be, because he needed me…and I needed him. I can’t comprehend pushing that opportunity away.

And then I thought about those families that take those little ones in. How full of courage they must be. And I wondered if I would ever have the capacity to be one of those people who could do it.