Fear, actually...

So much of the time in my blog I focus on the funny things that happen in our home. Not necessarily happy times all the time, but memories of some kind nonetheless.  I try not to focus on the bad or difficult things. But here’s one. It’s a doozy. But I hope by getting it out of mind and onto the blog, it won’t bother so much anymore.

As some of you know, Paul’s father is a less than stellar person.  It bothers me that he has to see someone I would never allow him around in real people world. But, alas, it was certainly not my son’s choice who his father is, and so it is consequence of what I choose to do that has put him in this situation.

Because Paul’s father tends to be difficult, we use an exchange center who sets the schedule according to our paperwork and then mediates the visitation exchanges. I have chosen to go by their schedule.  He has chosen that he doesn’t like their schedule and continually tries to bully me into giving him more time. I generally ignore him.

There have been a few weekends of late he was particularly unhappy about which prompted dozens of nasty text messages. He even wanted mother’s day weekend! I never gave in, although I did allow my son choices. If he would prefer to go to his dad’s, I would make it happen. He has consistently chosen the plans we already made (because we thought it was my weekend).

My biggest fear is this…next week he goes to his dad’s for the summer.  I’m supposed to have him for visitation every other weekend. I have a terrible feeling his dad isn’t going to show up for the exchanges (for revenge mostly), and I will not get to see my son for months.  It’s kind of scary. I also worry for him when he is away from me. I don’t trust his dad.  He’s unpredictable.

So there it is. My most dreadful fear out in the open. Any suggestions or ideas?